Fragments of Flick

2003-07-11T19:41:00.000-04:00

Wow.... new blogger eh? Not sure how I feel about this change. Can you believe it has nearly been a whole year since I started this? Though I am not as active here as I was when this first started... I do keep another journal y'know and I tend to keep that one the most current, feel free to visit me there any time. Soooooo.... I did not get into my honours program, but maybe if I can pull my grades up a bit this year that may change... really though I am clueless as to what I wanna do when I grow up, as they say.... well I really just wanted to be a pirate like Anne Bonney.... arrrrr! Though my real Pirate name is Mad Grace Cash. I guess that is because I am a lunatic?

2003-05-15T18:38:00.000-04:00

see that banner right above this post? I made that :) It is actually my first attempt at making a banner, so I am sure they will get better.

Oh.... finally got my rent paid, just so you know and don't worry about me too much. I am back on medication too so I expect that I will be feeling a little happier soon enough. I know that may sound like a cruch, but depression has been a recurrent thing in my life since I was a teenager so really, it is a chemical thing, certain things, like being jobless just seem to trigger it though. I guess.

2003-05-06T11:55:00.000-04:00

Fuck
Despite having looked for a job, and being a college grad, and having some university... I can't find a damn job... I hate my life.
My rent is late, I just don't have it, my bills are late, I had to scrounge for change to buy bread and milk... and just a few months ago, the guy I was dating was asking me to donate food from my cupboards to donate to the effing *soup kitchen* he had at his place..... that bothers me... someone that makes over $40000 asking me to donate food to their house (even after eating everything in mine). I mean I may be bitching about things that have already happened, but really I am looking at eviction really soon, perhaps having to make some other very difficult decisions... I may have to find homes for other people and pets and sell off my belongings pretty soon if I don't get a job... I hate this, what do you have to do to get a damn job?!!?!?! I hate my life, hate, hate, hate. I don't know what else to say... I don't think I will have internet for much longer so if I just disappear without a trace, maybe that is why.... I hope thigs get better. I am so depressed.

2003-04-21T02:54:00.000-04:00

Thirsty?
pull up a chair and get yourself some boob scotch on the rocks! Stir it up! Stir it up!

2003-04-06T01:41:00.000-05:00

Starting to feel desperate
I am so fucking broke... as in broke as a joke, only I'm not laughing. I have been sending out resumes this week, to places that looked remotely interesting on the Canada Job Bank. I even got out there pounding the pavement in the morning... and it was not your typical warm spring day either... snow and ice everywhere in the aftermath of the ice storm that we got surprized with this week. I applied at Kinkos, Staples, Pet Valu, The Beer Store, Tim Hortons and The Stag Shop. Some one has to hire me... I'm a college grad for chrissake!! Is a job too much to ask for??? I hope someone hires me soon... if not, I need to figure out how I'm going to pay my rent. In the mean time, I am accepting donations to benefit none other than me.... yes, I really am this shameless.....

2003-03-30T17:49:00.000-05:00

you're emo!

How can I label you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-29T23:12:00.000-05:00

Hmmmm.....
I must say I am feeling a little dejected... no reason really, I just get melancholy sometimes... I used to take pills for it but whatever. I did have a really awesome date last night though (first date), he drove me to the bowling party last week but that wasn't a date at all, that was basically our first meeting. Someone actually gave me shit for seeing other people, when that wasn't the case at all... I think they read to much into my journals, I guess that is the problem when you snoop on someones journal but are trying to make more out of what is actually there by over analysing. Whatever... I am just rambling because I am tired. Melancholy.
Anyways I briefly spoke to the ex's mom online yesterday and there was a deliberate mention of him going out with some gal named Sharon.... like I care anyway, but he did criticise me for seeing someone else so soon after our "taking a break". HA is it just me or does anyone else find other people's hypocrasy just a little amusing? Anyways... I have been thinking, it may be time to retire my blog.... nothing set in stone yet, but I hate when there are lurkers who read your blog for months without you having any awareness of it and then throw things in your face for speaking your mind in your own little corner of cyberspace. At least if I go to Live Journal I will be able to block anyone that is not on my friend's list... I can avoid being fucked up the ass that way (I am not talking about sex here either). If you are one of my blog buddies and I am well aware who those people are... I will let you all know in private how to find my new journal and add you to my friend's list so that you can snoop away with my blessing ( you know I luvs ya! ). To anyone else (and I am sure at least one of you knows who you are) if you like reading online journals so much, then take the time to become a member of a web based community, otherwise fuck right off! I am not trying to throw off the negative vibes here people, but now that I have come to a reasonable way of handling this situation I feel a lot better....

2003-03-25T19:02:00.000-05:00

I wanna go shopping...

2003-03-25T18:48:00.000-05:00

What exactly does it mean to "take a break"?
This is just an observation, and not really specifically aimed at anyone, well I guess a little bit is from actual experience, the rest is just observation. Have you ever wondered what it means when one half of a couple suggests taking a break? Or maybe you have been the one to suggest taking a break from each other? To my way of thinking, it is important to first take a closer look at what it means to actually break something.... think about it, when you break something it is no more. The deeper meaning of the actual taking a break from the stand-point of the party has proposed such an arrangement means something like... okay I am done with you for now, and so I am going to put you away on a shelf... until I am ready, who cares what you think. Am I wrong here? Now let's take a look at it from the other perspective.... I do not wait on a shelf for nobody... I move on. I am not a convenience, and I am nobody's possession to be put behind glass so that I am then shut off. I don't really mean me... I am just using the I statement here, for lack of a better way to express this hypothetical scenario.... this is all just fiction. But seriously, if anyone else can offer some insight, feel free.

2003-03-24T22:07:00.000-05:00

Okay... pay attention...
I am just making this post here because certain people who read my blog... I won't reveal any names though, but you know who you are. If you don't like what you read on my blog, or feel the need to over-analyse what ever I say on here, then do feel free to say something on my blog... do not come over to make accusations at me.... no I never cheated on anyone, and I never lied to anyone. Usually when someone I've been dating tells me they want to "take a break", it has been my experience that it has already ended pretty much... believe me when I say I have been there before, and even if you do try to get back together, it never works out.....

2003-03-24T15:56:00.000-05:00

Woot!
Well, me and the boy called it quits last week, and though I knew it was for the best, I did feel a little bad about it... I guess some things just aren't ment to be though... so anyways, on Friday night I went to my SG bowling party and everyone I met were beautiful down to earth people, which really set me at ease as I had never been to a net-meet and didn't know what I was in for, as excited as I was my escort was one of the members who lives near me, he picked me up and we set off on our lil' adventure. One minor set-back... haha this is funny... we get to Mississauga and see a bowling alley (Classic Bowl) and were quite impressed with our good timing, we got there a whole hour before the planned meeting so we decided to have a drink while we waited..... dammit we realized we were at the wrong bowling alley after about 35 minutes. Back on the road.... we did get to the right bowling alley, however, map quest directions leave a lot to be desired.... ehehe. Anyways, I dazzled them all with my champion bowling capabilities and I even surprized myself :) I can't wait to go to the next gathering.... they are all so beautiful, and fun! I hated to say good-bye to them all, but it was going onto 2am and we still had a 2 hour drive back... the night didn't end there though, we went a stickering around town and even got some photgraphic evidence... ehehehe so deviant!

2003-03-19T16:47:00.000-05:00

I Need Some Happiness
I have been feeling miserable lately.... overloaded with school shit, I have an essay due tomorrow and it is barely started. I had to change topics so that doesn't really surprize me. I am comparing/contrasting Christina Rossetti's "Goblin Market" and Margaret Atwood's "The Animals in that Country".... complexities of the duality of human nature, body and soul, reason and physical impulses...... on and on..... M.T. is back fro NYC so that is very happy for me, and we must get together soon.
I think I will feel better tomorrow when I hand in my English essay.... ah less to think about, I am at the point where I don't feel like doing a lot of deep thinking... I want to play. I may just get to do that on Friday too, even though I really should just stay home and get more writing and studying done. The plan is to meet with a bunch of people in Toronto and go bowling.... sounds fun right? The crazy thing is I have never met any of them in real life before, so I am pretty excited. I feel totally cool about this though, we are all pretty excited to meet each other... I am not sure exactly how many of us are gonna be there, but I think the number is approaching 20 now. Still a part of me says "stay home and study". What to do? what to do?

2003-03-07T20:50:00.000-05:00

Changing Seasons
I am so ready for winter to end, I hate the snow, the slush, and the salt that ruins your shoes. I am tired of school but that is usual for this time of year: burn out. I am tired. I need the warmth of the sun and the fresh smell of new life springing out of the ground. I am sitting here writing this with bleach in my hair, that needs to change too. Some of the darker hair is not getting quite as light as I had hoped, but maybe once I put in the colour it wont be so noticable?

2003-03-04T23:33:00.000-05:00

Procrastination and stress...
I know I have not been posting as much as I used to. I still love my blog and appreciate feedback from my readers.... I have been pretty stressed out lately. Mostly school related, the assignments seem like a mountain to me.... I probably cause a lot of that stress myself because I procrastinate, but the due dates are so close together. I need to pull myself together and just get on with it all, 3 essays and I've barely delved into my research... grrrrrr. I also quit my job at Spencer Gifts in January, have I mentioned that one yet... hehe *nervous laughter* they were making up new and pointless rules as they went along and then changing them to suit whatever mood they happend to be in on a particular day. "Oh look we got a fucking coffee machine in the staff room.... now we can sit on our fat lazy asses and drink 8 cups a shift while we bitch at you to get on the floor." Then there was the general disorganization, such as shifts not being posted up, "oh I don't know where it is at right now" to the shift not being made up when it is expected, or just posting shifts without a fair amount of notice that they have changed shifts since it was posted but no one bothered to call you and tell you that shifts were rearranged and then bitch you out because you did not show up for the shift they never asked you to fill for someone.... To top off all of that shite, they integrated the lovely new rule of not calling in for your hours.... ie: they will not give you your hours on the phone, you must take time out of full time school and parenting to commute on the bus to get your hours. Whether or not they have bothered to make said hours yet. I just couldn't stay there under such circumstances, so I explained to them why I had to leave.... end of story. Well, I must go and read "Heart of Darkness" by Joseph Conrad and then, if I'm not too tired, study for my English quiz on Thursday, I think I will put off my synopses for 3 films for a sociology paper I am working on until tomorrow....... I cannot tell you how much I am looking forward to the end of this school year! Next up: find a job that will pay me at least $10 an hour for the summer.....

2003-02-27T11:21:00.000-05:00

This is very accurate....
Well, except for ths part about Star Trek and Comic conventions anyway.

You are Pamela. You like video game and anime characters, collecting books and DVDs and surfing (alot) on the web. You watch a lot of Star Trek and go to comic book and sci fi conventions. You surf through messageboards and attempt to put in your lame ass opinions any chance you get. You probably run your own website with it's own messageboard and buy unnecessary stuff on auction sites. You're a nerd and you know it. You probably even made your own dumb quiz.

Take the Which Black Daisies Character Are you Quiz?

2003-02-20T18:39:00.000-05:00

My Naughty Little Secret
Well.... I guess now that everything is official over at SGHQ as in paper work and what not, I am ready to go public with a little secret I've been harbouring. Well there is this little site I've been going to for awhile now, I think it kicks ass, I have met some cool people there and all the girls are so beautiful. Ever heard of SuicideGirls? Well if you haven't before I am telling ya now... anyways, I contacted them not too long ago to enquire about modelling, sent in an application and a photo... then we went through the screening process. After all that was done I got my friend Dana to take some photos for me and the rest they say is history. I have been made a Suicide Girl but I am in limbo for the time being... I don't think I will be this Friday's new girl though... well... it is freak week there and I think my set is a little too tame for that. All of the sets that went up this week were fucking great, very artistic! Whew... now ya know.

2003-02-10T18:03:00.000-05:00

Oh My God those are sooo cute!
Well I just have to say I got my panties today... sooooo cute!! The delivery was so fast too, I only ordered them a week ago (one week tomorrow actually). The people who sold them to me on Ebay have an online store too, so you don't even need to go to ebay. You can look at their website too, lots of cool t-shirts to be found as well as some other cute things, and don't forget they have ruffle panties too :). Check them out here.

2003-02-03T08:49:00.000-05:00

I love EBAY
I just got these.... my first ever ebay win!! Aren't they cute?

2003-01-28T19:52:00.000-05:00

Ink Slingin'
Well I am off to Trole's 3 year anniversary show tonight (after searching in vain for a babysitter, and just remembered this girl Kelli I used to work with until we both quit Spencer gifts asked me if I ever needed a sitter she would love to). It is gonna be fun fun fun mofos.... playing at the venue also tonight will be Tin Cup Saloon and Tommy Rot. Heh I got some new ink yesterday, it is a cover up of a really stupid tattoo I got when I was only 14, by the well known artist Mike Austen.... I got Joel at Hardcore Tattoo to do it, a blue rose.... hehe it is on my ass but I am gonna go back once every month or so and we are extending the work all the way up my back, I have a butterfly on my right shoulder blade so when it all comes together it is gonna look awesome!

2003-01-14T01:15:00.000-05:00

Check it out!
I just got invited to be a member on yet another collective blog.... how cool is that? it is called PORNMOM and looks like it will develope into something worthwhile. Please feel free to check it out ;)

2003-01-09T11:29:00.000-05:00

Killing time
Well this being my first post of 2003: Happy New year to all! I am at the school library right now, killing some time before my next class, that would be English . . . more talk about Johnathan Swift's "Modest Proposal", I really enjoyed that one. Maybe whoever coined the phrase "eat the rich" had read and was influenced by Swift? Knowing that his suggestion that the poor in Ireland eating their babies as a solution to their poverty and strife was satirical, and was in fact what the English, the absentee landlords were doing to the general population in a figurative sense. Hmmmm . . . did ya miss me while I was on hiatus?. I have not really been doing much of anything, haha I am so addicted to this new video game that my boyfriend gave me for Christmas: The Sims Online. I is basically a release for me, I can be anything I want to there . . . but maybe it is escapism? Knowing that it is back to reality, and so much reading that I must do for school . . . Christmas vacation is never quite long enough, or just long enough to make me really lazy. Well on that note, I really should go and get some reading done before I go to class . . . more later :)

2002-12-27T12:35:00.000-05:00

#@$&*!!!!!
I think I need to vent right now, so that is what brings me here.... anyone remember when I was talking about the psycho upstairs? Well since I have decided to drop all charges from her coming into my apartment (unsolicited) in the summer time and causing trouble (I realize this is not the proper legal jargon but it will suffice), she has been put into some mental health diversion program. Although I think it was a fitting alternative, as opposed to pressing charges against someone who is clearly not coherent enough to understand how her actions were affecting others I have since been getting harrassed by her other half (an equally unbalance individual as it turns out). Since the beginning of December he has written a really psychotic letter to me... (hmmmm perhaps I should post it lol) as well as called the cops on me twice for noise complaints... for watching teevee or for my alarm clock or what not. Just before he called on the men in blue yesterday, he slipped another note under my door about 3 minutes after I started listening to music (saying something like I am calling the cops in 60 seconds), it was not loud, and for that matter it was in the daytime hours, in which case who really cares anyway. Well not one but two squad cars came out, I guess they needed back-up (and they wonder why our city has gone over budget?). Apparently, having a noise complaint is a "chargeable" offence according to this cop that was at my door... and he even comented that my music was not loud. Why is it that noise is now a chargeable offence? And where the fuck did a 24 hour city noise by-law come into play here? The are enigmas to me, and as a result I feel like I must walk on eggshells in my own apartment..... what is next, a noisy sex complaint? Oh fuck!

2002-12-22T20:59:00.000-05:00

Merry Christmas

2002-12-17T10:00:00.000-05:00

We make a cute couple

this picture was taken of me and my man back in 1947 at a local tattoo convention.... we were sure cute back then :)

2002-12-16T10:00:00.000-05:00

Moving Along
Well, don't know if I mentioned it but I actually have a nice boyfriend, and for anyone that has known me for a long time they will know how unusual that is.... for I am usually quite partial to the complete assholes.... and no Les, I am not referring to K.... he was nice but I am talking about anyone in like the last 9 years. Well he met my mom on the weekend which I was really nervous about because well, not because of him.... it is her that gets me nervous... hahaha took a valium before we left. But I was not disappointed, went better than expected. She likes him! She was very well behaved.... and she took some pics of us with her digital camera (hehehe I kept whispering to Gred to make funny faces, and I did the same everytime she took a pic). We did let her take one nice one.... but in her old age I am not sure she even noticed with her eyesight getting so bad. Actually we went there to drop off my kidlet for the night.... we later on went to meet some of his family, specifically his Aunt and Uncle, his Gran and her husband too.... well I think I made a disasterous mistake.... I don't know what the fuck I was thinking.... I wanted to make a good impression on them (the first one as they say is a lasting one). Well I went outside with said aunt and she shared a smoke with me...... UH OH. I should have declined, duh.... maybe it was a test? I was way too uh, you know.... I got pretty quiet for a while. Other than that I dunno, I think they thought that my vegetarianism was a strange concept... thankfully Gred explained to them before we sat down that I was a vegetarian so they wouldn't think I was being rude. I guess I should have eaten more but I am a little neurotic... about eating in front of people (particularly with people that are new to me). Therapy you ask? Well I have my own brand of therapy.... something I have not done in a while but think I need to get back to collaging, then there is the body modifying which I have been getting more and more into.... I like it, it makes my body mine, I don't know how to answer all the questions I get sometimes.... and I disagree that I am mutilating myself (I used to do worse things to myself which I will not discuss).... someone else did that to me already although it was not visible from the outside (no I am not saying any more about it right now). Wow I am disclosing almost a little bit too much at once.... but I guess that was part of my reason for starting a blog in the first place.... that and my real name is not connected to this at all. I feel like I can write for a safe place.... hmmm. Well over Christmas Gred will be meeting more of my fam. We are staying at my sister's for christmas eve/day....... and I think there are a whack of peeps coming by for Christmas dinner, and he can watch the madness unfold. Christmas eve will be great though... sit in the hot tub and drink this concoction my sister makes.... tastes just like kool-aid but is not quite so innocent. Good times! It's okay though, my kid will be at my mom's for Christmas eve and they'll be coming on Christmas morning, so it will just be L & M, Gred and myself.

Oh my sister called last night and told me my mom thought I was high when she dropped my kid off on Sunday.... haha that is funny, I was straight as an arrow...... she is so fucking suspicious. I don't smoke grass around my kid!